It's been a long road.

I've worked a long time to get here.  I work for a large video game company in the Orlando area where I'm the lead online server engineer for a large football game.  When I signed on, one of the benefits was a 7 week paid sabbatical after 7 years of service.  At the time, this seemed unattainable - most engineers at the company barely made it 2 years.  Burnout was common, 16+ hour days were common.  I worked so hard leading up to my wedding that I wound up writing my vows on the airplane on the way to Vegas.  Things have changed over the years, and I think it's better now, but it's still a hard job requiring a lot of effort at times.

I'm leaving while my team is about to enter "Alpha" - getting our game ready to ship.  This typically takes 2-3 months.  I've gotten some flack from some folks about leaving when the team is going through this time period, and while their opinions do mean a lot to me, I'm not sure they understand what it's like to work for an online pod, which may change their mind.  After the entire team busts through these long alpha days, there's stress testing and certification to go through for the online teams - mostly while the rest of the team is on PTO.  Once that's complete, there's launch where there are always things to fix, and then the inevitable "OMG we didn't catch this in testing can we fix it on the server" part of the year, then the "let's add more stuff to last year's game" part of the year.  Sometimes it seems like it never ends, and the online teams tend to work long hours from the time we enter Alpha until several months post-launch.  I wish the hours could be better, but this is the reality, and in the end I really enjoy the time-sensitive problem solving where duct tape fixes are as common as academic architecture astronaut solutions.  The hours come and go, and there's life balance issues, but honestly I haven't found another place where there are more fulfilling problems to work on, and especially in an environment where you're surrounded by so many other folks inspired to move in the same direction and work just as hard as you are.

Online/Server lead is the most recent role I've played at the company - but I've worked on lots of central teams where I built technology used by lots of other games - meaning I worked their "Alpha Hours" multiple times a year, so I'm trying not to feel terribly guilty about leaving now while my team is in alpha.  I can remember years where I bounced from one football game to another to a racing game and then a hockey game and then...you get the point.  They were all top priority, about to launch, and had some major online bugs they'd put off until far too late.  Compounding my attempted non-guilty feelings is the fact that I know when I get back from my trip the team will be in the throes of final optimization and full stress testing for the new server technology we've been working on this year.  I'm sure there will be work to do then.

On my way out the door at work, I had a couple of really interesting conversations.  The gist of the conversations were that I shouldn't have to justify leaving on this trip when I am - with the team heading into alpha.  I find myself having a hard time coming to grips with this - despite my three paragraph monologue above about why it's OK.  It does feel like I'm leaving the team during a time when I could be helpful.  I do get some feedback from some folks like "how did you talk management into letting you go during this Alpha time" (I had one of these yesterday, literally minutes from leaving for 7 weeks, which would make the 5th time I'd gotten that one - and believe me I was counting).  I don't take it personally at all, but it does weigh heavily on my mind.  I feel like I'm letting folks down.

The interesting thing about the "you don't have to justify this" conversations I had was that they were with studio leaders - the guys who run the ship and make big decisions.  All of the conversations I've had where I've had to justify my time off came from "working class" folks (like me).  I think this speaks volumes about the culture at my company.  I think they (the studio leaders) realize that the culture at the company is a legacy that they have to live with and fight to change.  I'm sure they want to succeed, and hard work is a critical part of it, but they're not slave drivers and they really care about the team and their health.  It's hard to over-emphasize how much hearing this from them (the studio leaders) has meant to me.  This is the kind of stuff that keeps me going

I've worked hard for the 7 years I've been at my company, and this sabbatical is the light at the end of the tunnel I've been focusing on for a few years now.  Leaving with a clear conscience, knowing my team is set up for success while I'm out resting and recovering, means a lot to me.  Having the support from my managers and the leaders in the organization means a lot to me.  I'm thankful for that support - it makes my new 7 week job of divorcing myself from work "easier".

I'll have another cup of coffee and start thinking about what the next few days will be like with the start of our trip.  Maybe I'll start packing.  If I feel up to it.  Maybe just one more game of SC2.  Or two.  But for sure, no more than two.  Or three.